It is my last day of facebook for the next 4 months, so I figured I should explain the reasons that I am fasting, in more ways than one, for this entire semester.
I am a facebook addict. Most of us are, honestly. However, I am choosing to do something about this because my addiction is actually holding me back and pulling me down. I don't know when exactly I started to realize this, but my addiction was getting out of hand. You might think I am exaggerating but this is very real to me. I played a few facebook games everyday, two fish tanks and rooms full of cats and dogs, and honestly I would worry about the well being of these virtual pets. I would interrupt conversations or completely miss certain opportunities in order to take care of these pets and click around on facebook. When i started prayerfully considering this facebook fast, I got anxious about deleting my animals, as if I were abandoning living things. Sad, I know.
That's not it. I would spend hours on end profile hopping, status changing, and comment loving, all at the expense of school work and spiritual growth. I'm very serious when I say that I probably spent 3x as much time on facebook as I did studying for school, and my grades showed it. That might even be a modest estimate. This could be your story, and you might be thinking 'big deal, thats just what this generation is about,' but here is where it gets serious. My obsession with facebook became a major stumbling block in my life, spiritually and emotionally. To be completely honest with you all, facebook allowed me to be apathetic and unloving in the lives of many friends and acquaintances. I knew that all I had to do was look at so-and-so's pictures and read such-and-such status update to get my twisted need for knowledge of everyone else's business. Consider this for yourself: facebook has made us incredibly and secretly nosy. Have you ever even thought of it this way?
Yes it's an excellent tool for 'staying in touch' as we all say, but reflect as I am on what this actually means about your ability to care for a person. So many people, especially my generation, are actually nervous about communicating face to face with people of any age. How many of us would rather text or email or facebook instead of make a phone call or visit? Many of us even prefer ordering pizza online over calling in. The technology we have today, especially these social networking sites, is incredible and often makes our lives easier, but at what cost? For me, as I was saying, I was enabled to continue not really loving the people that I was 'staying in touch with,' and that is a huge conviction that I was hit with when this whole idea came about. As you read in my last blog, the LORD has really been teaching me a lot about love, and the lessons that I learned really sealed the deal for this fasting idea. If I want to stay in touch with someone, I need to really make an effort beyond checking pictures and status'. My friends need to know that I am concerned about them, hoping they are doing well, and are happy. I'm no longer going to use facebook as a crutch and as an excuse for friendship. Even when I announced, through status, that I was leaving facebook for a while, I quickly realized how many friends I had on there that didn't really care about me and my well being. They wouldn't miss me. There were also those who didn't want me to leave because they wouldn't be able to see what I was doing anymore. It helped to realize that my friendships should be so much deeper than this, but I have let myself remain in those relationships.
Is this all a little much? It hit me hard though. Often I would attempt to have a quiet time to study the Word and the whole time I'd be itching to get on facebook. I could be out volunteering and genuinely caring for people as Christ has called me too, but I spend hours on facebook. I could be reading books and learning incredible things, but instead I pour over facebook. I could be growing as a person, becoming a better me, spending more time caring for my fiance and preparing to be a better wife but instead I put so much time into facebook.
Remember, this is purely personal and individual to me. I'm not trying to put this on anyone else, I'm only explaining why I'm leaving.
But not only am I fasting from facebook, I'm preparing to change a lot of things about my diet and the way I take care of my body...Daniel Fast and P90X here I come!!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Love
First of all, I lied. Its more like 5 days before I'm blogging again. I've been terribly busy doing all kinds of fun things!
For God so LOVED the world that he gave his only begotten son...
I don't even know where to begin with this blog. It will definitely be a long one. I have learned some incredible things this past week about love. My love and divine love, unfortunately two totally different things. About 2-3 years ago I had been given a revelation about God's love and our response to it. My best friend sydney ( http://sydney-drain.blogspot.com/ ) might remember the night that all this stuff started pouring out of me about the lack of God's love expressed towards each other in the youth group at the time and how I was just now really seeing how this divine love works. It was important to me at the time, but ever since the idea has been lost in the back of my head, and I have made no progress on my ability to understand and to exercise this love. I'm talking about agape. This is probably a familiar word to all or most of you reading this. Agape is a unique greek word for love. It's not the kind of love you have for pizza, for shopping, or for your cat. Agape is entirely unique and rather hard to understand. Let me try to explain myself.
I'm currently going through an amazing study called "Living Beyond Yourself: exploring the fruit of the spirit" by the lovely Beth Moore and, man, did week three hit me hard in the face. I had sort of thought myself rather good at loving and caring for people, when I wanted to be good at it of course, and had even been told this by a mentor in the past. I was lying to myself when I would consider this a skill needing little or no work. Moore talked about eros, the love between a man and a woman, but a grasping love. She talked about Philos which is friend love, and I thought, "Oh good I think I am loving well!" Then she went on to say that we aren't supposed to love like that. God calls us to agape love, for everyone. Now you've probably read 1 Corinthians 13, the passage all about what love is and isn't but I'm going to say what moore said before assigning this passage "Do not let the bug of familiarity bite you" on this one. I want you to see what I saw when I prayerfully went through this passage with the knowledge that I was given by the study.
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails.
I'll go through the characteristics of this incredible divine love (agape, the word used in this passage) just as the study did and share my thoughts on each
1. Agape is PATIENT
greek word:makrothumia
meaning: able to avenge oneself yet refrains from doing so
see also: Romans 12:17-21, Proverbs 25:21-22 for same word or idea
Agape is patient. Agape is essentially forgiving. Paul wants us to understand that being patient is much more than quietly standing in a long line at the post office or waiting without groaning for someone to be ready to leave because you are already late. exercising patience in agape is extreme. Think about the last time that someone really hurt you. Did they say something behind your back? Did you go ahead and say something equally nasty behind theirs? This could be anything, mundane or not.
2. Agape is KIND
greek word: chresteuomai
meaning: to show oneself as useful
How many of you, like myself, thought being kind was smiling at the 'weird kid' in the hallway? I would even allow myself to get away with bitterly praying for people and calling it kindness. And to be honest, being kind was about me. I was going to be that nice girl so that people would remember me and say good things about me. Kindness was vainness, but when Paul says that agape is kind, agape means making yourself useful to others, and there is no way that truly being kind could be about me when I am responding to the needs of others. "Agape volunteers to help" in the words of beth moore.
3. Agape does NOT ENVY
greek word: zeelo
meaning: zealous, in a sense of passionate jealousy
see also: Acts 7:9 for same word choice
This one seems pretty obvious. If you love someone with agape then you could not be jealous of them. Even if you allowed yourself to be loved, agape'd, by God then you could not be envious of anything. God has given everything to us who fear and love Him, what more could we possibly need that our Father would not provide for us?
4. Agape does NOT BOAST
greek word: perpereuomai
meaning: braggart, which is a person who boasts about achievements or possessions
see also: 1 Corinthians 1:27-29, 31
5. Agape is NOT PROUD
for examples of pride see also: 2 Chronicles 26:16, Psalm 10:4, Proverbs 11:2, Daniel 5:20, Obadiah 3, Jeremiah 13:17, and 2 Chronicles 32:26
I shouldn't even be proud of my loving skills for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose (Phillipians 2:!3). It is evident throughout God's word of the results of pride in mankind. God humbles the proud, as he has done me this past week, and He lifts up the lowly.
6. Agape is NOT RUDE
greek word: aschemoneo
meaning: to behave in an ugly, indecent, unseemly or unbecoming manner. to be obscene
I'll just ask of myself, how conditioned am I to obscenity? How often do I behave rudely towards those I say I love dearest?
7. Agape is NOT SELF-SEEKING
see also: 2 Timothy 3:2
this can be expressed by the greek word philautos meaning lover of or friend of self. Is my primary concern to make life ultimately easier for myself?
8. Agape is NOT QUICK TO ANGER
see also: Psalm 145:8, Proverbs 15:1 & 18, Proverbs 16:32, proverbs 19:11, Proverbs 21:19, Proverbs 22:24 -25
9: Agape keeps NO RECORD OF WRONGS
see also: Psalm 103:10-14, Hebrews 10:16-18
Thank GOD He loves is in this way! Can you imagine how different life would be if there were never such things as grudges and unforgiving hearts like our own? Not only does agape keep no record of wrongs, but agape is praying good things for those who wrong you and treating them as if they are the greatest friend. Imagine.
10. Agape does NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL but REJOICES WITH TRUTH
see also: Psalm 119:29-32
11. Agape always PROTECTS
greek word: stego
meaning: to cover over in silence
see also: 1 Peter 4:8
You know what this means? No matter what we know about someone or how well we know someone, we don't expose their faults to others. If we love them with an agape love, we protect their reputations, and seek to not even emphasize their faults to ourselves
12. Agape always TRUSTS
greek word: pisteuo
meaning: to have faith in someone
Do we believe and encourage others?
13. Agape always HOPES
greek word: elpizo
meaning: to expect with desire
see also: 2 Corinthians 8:22-24
14. Agape always PERSEVERES
greek word: hupomeno
meaning: to remain under
If we really love someone with divine love we continue no matter what the struggle
15. Agape NEVER FAILS
greek word: ekpipto
meaning: to be without effect, to be in vain
No matter how hard it is to love someone with this kind of love, if you truly express it God promises that it will never be in vain. How encouraging is that? Maybe you will never see the effect, but God knows and sees and will reward
However! Is Agape love even possible? We are INCAPABLE! Completely! So what the heck are we supposed to do with all of that information? What good is that entire passage in 1 Corinthians? I will tell you this, the only origin of such love is GOD'S HEART. For us love is a feeling, some kind of personal necessity, but as much as we'd like to deny it, our love is conditional. But God does ask of us to love him and eachother with AGAPE. This is a RESPONSE, not a feeling. When we admit to God that we are incapable of what he asks of us, we can then prayerfully consider what he would do and ask God to enable and strengthen us. We act in obedience, RESPONDING to the spirits conviction in us. Ultimately, it is an entirely spiritual thing. it is God who pours agape through us, but a crucial transplant must be made:
We must first desperately and unceasingly pray that our hearts be removed and replaced with the Lord's. It is only then, when he creates in us a clean heart, His own, that we can begin to change lives with Agape, including our own.
What a challenge!
For God so LOVED the world that he gave his only begotten son...
I don't even know where to begin with this blog. It will definitely be a long one. I have learned some incredible things this past week about love. My love and divine love, unfortunately two totally different things. About 2-3 years ago I had been given a revelation about God's love and our response to it. My best friend sydney ( http://sydney-drain.blogspot.com/ ) might remember the night that all this stuff started pouring out of me about the lack of God's love expressed towards each other in the youth group at the time and how I was just now really seeing how this divine love works. It was important to me at the time, but ever since the idea has been lost in the back of my head, and I have made no progress on my ability to understand and to exercise this love. I'm talking about agape. This is probably a familiar word to all or most of you reading this. Agape is a unique greek word for love. It's not the kind of love you have for pizza, for shopping, or for your cat. Agape is entirely unique and rather hard to understand. Let me try to explain myself.
I'm currently going through an amazing study called "Living Beyond Yourself: exploring the fruit of the spirit" by the lovely Beth Moore and, man, did week three hit me hard in the face. I had sort of thought myself rather good at loving and caring for people, when I wanted to be good at it of course, and had even been told this by a mentor in the past. I was lying to myself when I would consider this a skill needing little or no work. Moore talked about eros, the love between a man and a woman, but a grasping love. She talked about Philos which is friend love, and I thought, "Oh good I think I am loving well!" Then she went on to say that we aren't supposed to love like that. God calls us to agape love, for everyone. Now you've probably read 1 Corinthians 13, the passage all about what love is and isn't but I'm going to say what moore said before assigning this passage "Do not let the bug of familiarity bite you" on this one. I want you to see what I saw when I prayerfully went through this passage with the knowledge that I was given by the study.
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails.
I'll go through the characteristics of this incredible divine love (agape, the word used in this passage) just as the study did and share my thoughts on each
1. Agape is PATIENT
greek word:makrothumia
meaning: able to avenge oneself yet refrains from doing so
see also: Romans 12:17-21, Proverbs 25:21-22 for same word or idea
Agape is patient. Agape is essentially forgiving. Paul wants us to understand that being patient is much more than quietly standing in a long line at the post office or waiting without groaning for someone to be ready to leave because you are already late. exercising patience in agape is extreme. Think about the last time that someone really hurt you. Did they say something behind your back? Did you go ahead and say something equally nasty behind theirs? This could be anything, mundane or not.
2. Agape is KIND
greek word: chresteuomai
meaning: to show oneself as useful
How many of you, like myself, thought being kind was smiling at the 'weird kid' in the hallway? I would even allow myself to get away with bitterly praying for people and calling it kindness. And to be honest, being kind was about me. I was going to be that nice girl so that people would remember me and say good things about me. Kindness was vainness, but when Paul says that agape is kind, agape means making yourself useful to others, and there is no way that truly being kind could be about me when I am responding to the needs of others. "Agape volunteers to help" in the words of beth moore.
3. Agape does NOT ENVY
greek word: zeelo
meaning: zealous, in a sense of passionate jealousy
see also: Acts 7:9 for same word choice
This one seems pretty obvious. If you love someone with agape then you could not be jealous of them. Even if you allowed yourself to be loved, agape'd, by God then you could not be envious of anything. God has given everything to us who fear and love Him, what more could we possibly need that our Father would not provide for us?
4. Agape does NOT BOAST
greek word: perpereuomai
meaning: braggart, which is a person who boasts about achievements or possessions
see also: 1 Corinthians 1:27-29, 31
5. Agape is NOT PROUD
for examples of pride see also: 2 Chronicles 26:16, Psalm 10:4, Proverbs 11:2, Daniel 5:20, Obadiah 3, Jeremiah 13:17, and 2 Chronicles 32:26
I shouldn't even be proud of my loving skills for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose (Phillipians 2:!3). It is evident throughout God's word of the results of pride in mankind. God humbles the proud, as he has done me this past week, and He lifts up the lowly.
6. Agape is NOT RUDE
greek word: aschemoneo
meaning: to behave in an ugly, indecent, unseemly or unbecoming manner. to be obscene
I'll just ask of myself, how conditioned am I to obscenity? How often do I behave rudely towards those I say I love dearest?
7. Agape is NOT SELF-SEEKING
see also: 2 Timothy 3:2
this can be expressed by the greek word philautos meaning lover of or friend of self. Is my primary concern to make life ultimately easier for myself?
8. Agape is NOT QUICK TO ANGER
see also: Psalm 145:8, Proverbs 15:1 & 18, Proverbs 16:32, proverbs 19:11, Proverbs 21:19, Proverbs 22:24 -25
9: Agape keeps NO RECORD OF WRONGS
see also: Psalm 103:10-14, Hebrews 10:16-18
Thank GOD He loves is in this way! Can you imagine how different life would be if there were never such things as grudges and unforgiving hearts like our own? Not only does agape keep no record of wrongs, but agape is praying good things for those who wrong you and treating them as if they are the greatest friend. Imagine.
10. Agape does NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL but REJOICES WITH TRUTH
see also: Psalm 119:29-32
11. Agape always PROTECTS
greek word: stego
meaning: to cover over in silence
see also: 1 Peter 4:8
You know what this means? No matter what we know about someone or how well we know someone, we don't expose their faults to others. If we love them with an agape love, we protect their reputations, and seek to not even emphasize their faults to ourselves
12. Agape always TRUSTS
greek word: pisteuo
meaning: to have faith in someone
Do we believe and encourage others?
13. Agape always HOPES
greek word: elpizo
meaning: to expect with desire
see also: 2 Corinthians 8:22-24
14. Agape always PERSEVERES
greek word: hupomeno
meaning: to remain under
If we really love someone with divine love we continue no matter what the struggle
15. Agape NEVER FAILS
greek word: ekpipto
meaning: to be without effect, to be in vain
No matter how hard it is to love someone with this kind of love, if you truly express it God promises that it will never be in vain. How encouraging is that? Maybe you will never see the effect, but God knows and sees and will reward
However! Is Agape love even possible? We are INCAPABLE! Completely! So what the heck are we supposed to do with all of that information? What good is that entire passage in 1 Corinthians? I will tell you this, the only origin of such love is GOD'S HEART. For us love is a feeling, some kind of personal necessity, but as much as we'd like to deny it, our love is conditional. But God does ask of us to love him and eachother with AGAPE. This is a RESPONSE, not a feeling. When we admit to God that we are incapable of what he asks of us, we can then prayerfully consider what he would do and ask God to enable and strengthen us. We act in obedience, RESPONDING to the spirits conviction in us. Ultimately, it is an entirely spiritual thing. it is God who pours agape through us, but a crucial transplant must be made:
We must first desperately and unceasingly pray that our hearts be removed and replaced with the Lord's. It is only then, when he creates in us a clean heart, His own, that we can begin to change lives with Agape, including our own.
What a challenge!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Ashamed
Just a quick blog today, something I've been thinking about for the past month.
It's not christmas any more (obviously) but I just thought I'd post something real quick
Average amount of money spent on christmas presents annually in America: $450 billion
Cost to solve the WORLD'S clean water problem once and for all: $10 billion
Does this make anyone else feel incredibly ashamed? How many times have you bought a present for someone just because you felt obligated, because you expected a present from them?
I'm going to update tomorrow or the day after a bit about Love. Some things that I have been learning. I thought that statistic might be something good for you (whoever you are) and myself to think about before the next post. The information is from a website that is included as a link on this post. The idea presented there is really pulling at my heart.
It's not christmas any more (obviously) but I just thought I'd post something real quick
Average amount of money spent on christmas presents annually in America: $450 billion
Cost to solve the WORLD'S clean water problem once and for all: $10 billion
Does this make anyone else feel incredibly ashamed? How many times have you bought a present for someone just because you felt obligated, because you expected a present from them?
I'm going to update tomorrow or the day after a bit about Love. Some things that I have been learning. I thought that statistic might be something good for you (whoever you are) and myself to think about before the next post. The information is from a website that is included as a link on this post. The idea presented there is really pulling at my heart.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Discipline
Yes, I am working on updating this thing often. Only third one of course, but closer dates! Anyways, I have decided on the destiny of this blog. I will try my hardest to avoid making this a diary, especially considering its public, but I will blog about my experiences as I live such a life as this at the ripe age of 18. And advice will be offered to those who ask. I'd like to think that I am good at that. Regardless, I want to be as real as I can be with every reader who scrolls around on my page.
So...
It isn't easy being young and telling people that I will soon be married
It also isn't easy being a christian philosophy student
And it is especially not easy being a christian at all
But what good would an easy life do anyone? We all can say "oh I'm so glad that year is over, I went through so much" We all did. We all lived life, and whether it is fun, a breeze or challenging it is beautiful. Sometimes I will still my mind and think of only this: I exist. I remember the first time I really thought about this in high school. I was sitting in a classroom and for a brief moment, it hit me. I am a person who exists and interacts with other people who exists. I have an impact on the people around me. I can walk, talk, breath, and think. Does this put anyone else in awe? What if my mother and father had never met, or married, or even decided they wanted a second child and tried when they did. They weren't perfect for each other and gave it a good 14 years before they called it quits, but they tried and I came out of that attempt. And the fact that I have experienced the relationships, challenges , tragedies, and joys that I have is what has truly orchestrated who I am today. Now I believe firmly that God works together all things for the good of those who love Him. Pertaining to that I sometimes wonder why me? How did I start loving Him? And why did he even love us first?
I long to be the kind of person who can really learn from every experience and do so without complaint. Maybe this blog will help me remember the lessons I learn in the very adventurous years I am embarking on for what is ahead is truly fantastic!
So...
It isn't easy being young and telling people that I will soon be married
It also isn't easy being a christian philosophy student
And it is especially not easy being a christian at all
But what good would an easy life do anyone? We all can say "oh I'm so glad that year is over, I went through so much" We all did. We all lived life, and whether it is fun, a breeze or challenging it is beautiful. Sometimes I will still my mind and think of only this: I exist. I remember the first time I really thought about this in high school. I was sitting in a classroom and for a brief moment, it hit me. I am a person who exists and interacts with other people who exists. I have an impact on the people around me. I can walk, talk, breath, and think. Does this put anyone else in awe? What if my mother and father had never met, or married, or even decided they wanted a second child and tried when they did. They weren't perfect for each other and gave it a good 14 years before they called it quits, but they tried and I came out of that attempt. And the fact that I have experienced the relationships, challenges , tragedies, and joys that I have is what has truly orchestrated who I am today. Now I believe firmly that God works together all things for the good of those who love Him. Pertaining to that I sometimes wonder why me? How did I start loving Him? And why did he even love us first?
I long to be the kind of person who can really learn from every experience and do so without complaint. Maybe this blog will help me remember the lessons I learn in the very adventurous years I am embarking on for what is ahead is truly fantastic!
Friday, January 1, 2010
The resolve to blog
Happy New Year!
I just watched Julia & Julie, for the second time, and was inevitably inspired to blog. I couldn't help myself. I am becoming one of the thousands of people who hope that maybe one day, they could be a blogger. You know, a blogger Basically famous for wittiness, brilliance, intelligence. Something like that. Now that I think of it, that aspiration might be the one thing that keeps me wordless with a blank screen. It's the pressure. So instead I'll make an attempt at being myself. However, what in the world will I blog about? I don't have any diseases or disorders to track. I'm not particularly talented in any way. I have plenty of opinions but perhaps not the right words to express them. I certainly don't want this to turn into a 'Dear Diary' situation. Maybe I could give advice, which would make this a 'Dear Alice' situation instead.
Oh, Dear. I guess I'll have think about this.
I just watched Julia & Julie, for the second time, and was inevitably inspired to blog. I couldn't help myself. I am becoming one of the thousands of people who hope that maybe one day, they could be a blogger. You know, a blogger Basically famous for wittiness, brilliance, intelligence. Something like that. Now that I think of it, that aspiration might be the one thing that keeps me wordless with a blank screen. It's the pressure. So instead I'll make an attempt at being myself. However, what in the world will I blog about? I don't have any diseases or disorders to track. I'm not particularly talented in any way. I have plenty of opinions but perhaps not the right words to express them. I certainly don't want this to turn into a 'Dear Diary' situation. Maybe I could give advice, which would make this a 'Dear Alice' situation instead.
Oh, Dear. I guess I'll have think about this.
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